Thursday, April 23, 2009

este risco absoluto
(fernando mendes vianna)

A pálpebra inexistente da certeza

Os anões não tinham pálpebras.

Esta fora a primeira coisa que observara neles e , no fundo, deve ter sido a mais importante. Pelo menos a mais importante para o estado em que estou agora, no meio do nada indescritível. Notei outras coisas mais tarde, a medida em que fomos convivendo dentro do Cubo, mas não necessárias para mim.

Seus olhos eram como os das bonecas quebradas, jamais se fechavam, nem um piscar rompia a dureza daquelas íris verdes. Havia anões de olhos escuros também e era tenebroso olhar para eles, arrastantes de negrume que me deixavam noites sem dormir.

Não que isto fosse necessário no Cubo.

Dormir era uma opção como qualquer outra para os convidados, como, aliás, tudo naquele lugar. Não havia regras, nem leis, nada era sugerido ou aconselhado. Vivíamos uma liberdade aflitiva e até sair do Cubo e voltar ao mundo dito normal era permitido, mas ninguém escolhia esta opção.

Por quê? Nem mesmo eu sei. Quando tento lembrar de mim naquela época, penso que era a capacidade de poder escolher que nos inibia. A liberdade absoluta pesava tanto quanto a escravidão e incapazes de decidir entre o risco total de errar ou de acertar milhões de vezes, preferíamos ficar paralisados. Os anões nada esperavam ou cobravam de nós. Apenas nos olhavam com suas imensas íris de crianças velhas, sem pálpebras protetoras. E aquele olhar tinha o poder de nos impelir a alguma coisa que não sabíamos nem mesmo se existia.

Dentro do Cubo tudo era possibilidade e, por isto mesmo, nada se concretizava.

Eu errava por lá buscando uma escolha, mas ela não vinha. Então me perdi no olhar do anão mais próximo e cheguei ao vértice. Foi mais fácil aprender a negação. Descobri a possibilidade de não ser coisa nenhuma, sendo. De me negar a escolha.

Então cheguei, finalmente, a este nada onde estou, eternamente, sendo algo que não defino nem me interessa. E é esta a graça da coisa.

Talvez eu seja a pálpebra inexistente do olhar daquele anão. Talvez eu seja a impossibilidade de vedar o olho agudo da certeza.

Talvez eu seja apenas a impossibilidade.
Mas isto, de uma certa forma, hoje me basta.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Talvez eu também seja a impossibilidade de vedar o olho agudo da certeza, pelo menos me sinto assim.
Adorei este conto, como tudo o que você escreve.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ao ler seus tres contos, senti o que penso que é uma das buscas de um autor: atingir o leitor também pela identificação, 'quase' (não ser, sendo) como se fosse ele o personagem.
Agradeço por isso. Agradeço por ler você sempre.

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Blogger Lilly Falcão said...

Oi, querida!

Sempre fui fã, desde os Anjos de Prata. Mas, boa tímida que sou, não dei notícias disso. Ontem postei algo que gostaria que comentaste! Será uma honra pra mim! Beijo no coração.

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